a patient practice of breathing

this week has been a transformative one.

on monday, after having a delightful morning class full of laughter and new british slang, i was able to attend a yoga class with my 'flat-mate', abigail.

it's been years since i've been to a yoga class. the last time i went was in seattle. every time i do yoga, i wonder why i've been wasting my life without it.

as my lovely yoga instructor, skeeter (also british) taught me:yoga is a patient practice. your mat is always ready when you are, waiting for you. you can't be dragged into doing it, provoking a frenzy. you must arrive precisely when you're meant to. this is a philosophy i've been applying to my life for some time, but to experience that teaching in the practice of yoga makes it profound.

the first moments of the first class, during meditation, i couldn't help but cry silent, still tears of gratitude. gratitude that i found my way to yoga, to san francisco. that i'm healthy enough to do it, that i have the freedom to do it.

that i'm just fine.

to be patient with myself. to accept when i'm grumpy or emotional or disappointing myself. to recognize it and let it go. to bow my mind to my heart.

to be still. to further nurture the glowing center that was revealed to me in seattle.

how grateful i am for that glowing center.

we returned to yoga last night, returned to skeeter but with an entirely different feel.

i sat at the very front, to the side of skeeter, right up to the windows, fogged with body heat and steam. a candle sat in front of me and cleared an oval of clarity above it, out of the fog. through the clear window i could see a lovely, green, growing, serene plant outside.

it was sublime.

then the music began. what i recognized as 'calypso' might be no such thing. it's the music of shuffling around, in a room full of tacky kitsch, with a martini, a long skinny cigarette, lots of hairspray on a curled, perhaps pink coif, frosted pink lipstick and fake nails. it was strange to mix that image with yoga, but it is music i love so we were encouraged to accept what the universe had brought us and invite it into our practice. (mambo. i've realized it's mambo. and i love it. many mambo dance parties in my room to come.)

so we grooved to the sounds coming from the neighbors below, came back to our breath and were a community for an hour and a half.

we emerged glowing and centered and full of love and life and i wonder what took me so long to get back to yoga. good thing there was a mat waiting for me.