the adventures of edi

night wanderer

2011-06-28T01:07:00.000-07:00

i know i haven't told of any adventures since march and i apologize. so i thought i'd tell you about what just happened:

two mornings ago, that'd make it saturday morning, i woke up to find a sparkly ribbon winding across my carpet. immediately i knew what i hoped it was: a snail. sometime last semester i was walking home from bart and thinking about snails on a particularly foggy, misty evening. this particular evening with the appropriate conditions had become a snail mine field. i believe that stepping on a snail is the single worst sensation to occur in daily life. and it makes me feel terribly guilty. so i'm avoiding snails (which means walking in the street) and thinking about snails. asking questions about snails. (are they BORN with their shells? what are they eating out here? where do they go when it's not wet outside? what's the difference between slugs and snails? etc etc.) so i do some research and decide that snails are very interesting and i would like a snail terrarium of my very own. i looked up how to raise terrestrial snails. what breeds of snails exist. what to feed them. how to prepare their enclosure, etc etc.

BUT i needed to wait until i had the time to devote to such endeavors.

and then, oh man, it was possible my snail had come to ME! what a delivery from the universe. now if i could just find it. it shouldn't be so hard. there's a lot of crap in there, but i obviously need to clean it out anyway and a snail shouldn't be too hard to find.

oh the arrogance.

i cleaned out half of my room and found so many more sparkly trails as to feel like i'm living in a forest. which i kind of am with the amount of dust and cat hair that has accumulated in the corners.

no snail.

i had to wait until today to clean out the second, more extensive half. no snail trails. not one. so it favors one side of the room...

i pull out my desk. i pull out drawers. i look UNDER where the drawers are. i reach into cobwebs and dust bunnies. gross, but no snail.

wtf?!

sunday there were no new trails but today, there were. i even left out some little homes that i hoped i'd find a snail snoozing in after gorging itself on the delicious kale and sugar snap peas i'd meticulously torn to bite-size pieces. nothing. not even a slime trail to and fro the greens.

as i was working at my desk tonight, i kept my head lamp close at hand. i knew that if i kept it dark enough and quiet enough and i didn't do anything CRAZY, i might be able to catch my snail in the act and we could begin our life together.

i looked up ways to trap terrestrial snails. i learned that they're attracted to yeast and you could drown them in plates of stale beer. they also like pepsi. and artichokes. but do not like human hair clippings or egg shells.

i began to feel giant, phantom snails crawling, oozing up my legs under my dark desk.

i implored egon to hunt some snails. sniff em out! find that snail! she just looked at me. confused.

i take a break from painting a second beat board of hazel, pause 'this american life' (the episode about dads for father's day) and decide to see what i can see.

and then my eye catches a color where that color just should not be and simultaneously my heart sinks and i get chills and am thoroughly grossed out.

a slug. in my heating vent.

i like insects and creepy crawlies but i apparently really don't like slugs.

and that is what i found.

a SLUG. EEEWWWW.

the grate is removable so i take it out.

i set my little buffet in its path in the hopes that it will just ooze in, start munching (gratefully, of course) and i won't have to get nearer than the cardboard's width to its sliming gooeyness.

it seems to work! it goes straight in there! YESSSSS!

and then, no. NO! don't turn, you fool!

but it does. it turns and i have to use a used incense stick to pry its goo off the heating grate and get all of its 4+" into the tube. gross gross gross.

alright. IN the tube. gross, but in. but then. oh no. all i can think to myself is 'don't touch me don't touch me don't touch me'

i leave my room, eyes not leaving the approaching attack, headlamp illuminated i unlock the front door and it is misting and foggy and perfect for a slug.

dylan and caro and i decide my visitor MUST be a snail, cause we have tons of snails and none of us have ever. EVER seen a slug around. as i step out the door, eyes not leaving the protruding eye stalks that are inching ever closer to my fingers, i step on something but can't see what it is. i set the apparatus on the cement near the flowers. it oozes around eventually toppling the apparatus. and into the dirt. phew. gross.

i stand, take a misty breath and see a tiny slug on the drive way. #2! and as i approach the door, i see what i stepped on. slug #3. a big one. and though it wasn't as bad as stepping on a snail, it was just as gruesome and i did feel bad.

so much for no slugs in our neighborhood. tomorrow i have decided to go on a snail hunt to start my terrarium.

and it will be great and not gross at all.

my hollywood debut

2011-03-09T19:33:00.000-08:00

on february 16th, my dear friend josh and i were extras in a stephen soderbergh movie called 'contagion'. i wasn't allowed to take pictures 'on set', of course. these are all in the tent or 'holding area' for the extras. we got there at 6am. i wasn't technically supposed to be there til 6.30 and josh not til 8.30 (it was alphabetical by last name). but we carpooled and got there early. it was freezing and dark when we arrived at candlestick park. we were herded into the check-in line by p.a.s with head sets on. there were hummers with national guard people in uniform around. we passed the wardrobe truck as it was being unloaded as well as a couple trailers. i wanted to take pictures of everything. josh made fun of me- 'there's nothing to take pictures of. ooh, it's a broom leaning against a truck, *on a movie set*!' and i was like 'YEAH it is!'

here's josh and i in the massive tent just after the sun's come up.

a prop guy came around handing out all different types of surgical/dust masks. we got crappy ones. we were comparing them with the other people around us.

this is after shooting. the first batch of people were able to get in line to check out. i estimated there were around 300 people in the tent at the height of the action. this is just one small corner of it. picture this times...like 10. that's how big the tent was and how many people were in it.

that's me. in the tent. in front of some people.

on our way out, the clouds were gorgeous, i'll have to include those pictures later. here's me, 'in costume', in front of candlestick park.

josh taking advantage of his rain boots.

a really rough sketch with bad perspective of 'the scene'. it looks like more than 20 feet between us and jude law, but it was about 20. also we're not standing on a hill. give me a break! gawd...

the entire story will be along eventually..

nephews and auntie

2011-02-12T00:48:00.001-08:00

sullivan, day 1

theodore, day 1

i've been meaning to post these for a while, as part of a much bigger compare and contrast, but that will have to come later.

winter break, part 1:christmas in orange county

2011-02-04T13:01:00.000-08:00

we lagermans spent christmas in orange county this year with the woodwards.

theo is getting so big. sully's a rascal. it was wonderful to have both families together.

theo and auntie take christmas seriously.

theo and mom!
starting to try to crawl.

sully leads the march through an absolutely gorgeous golden hour to the beach at dana point.

auntie, mom, theo.

sully gets a ride from grandpa grant.

christmas morning! yay!

anne and the grandparents.

the men play some kind of golf game they made up. anne and i laughed from inside.

the ladies gather to play 'oh hell'. clockwise from front: laurie, nonie, valerie, me, trisha, anne.

micah refills our wine with the biggest bottle ever.

there it is. empty.

the christmas party, passing theo around.

ryan and sully spent the evening playing together.

dear lovely ladies. anne and mom.

the boys together. over the party.

lagerman ladies together!

the small table. kind of the kids' table.

mom and dad talk to amy.

ryan tries to talk to anne through the baby monitor.

sisters!

delicious and vegetarian christmas dinner. yum!

end of the semester part 3: wednesday

2011-02-04T01:04:00.000-08:00

amid all of the stress of finals, i found time to breathe. on this particular day, josh wanted to get really wet and cold. luckily, it was misting, so we went to ocean beach to grant his wish.

the rest of the week and the actual end of the semester was much the same. working in my room. in the lab. on the bart. on powell street. sleeping. working. lab. bart. lab. desk. lab. egon. bart. sleep. etc. now i'm almost up to date with this... some winter break adventures to come.

the rest of the end of the semester. finally!

2011-02-02T18:52:00.000-08:00

i'm writing this on the evening after my first day of my second class of the new semester. better late than never.

awake! i think it was around 10 having gone to sleep around 3 or 4 the night before?

this is what the morning light looks like from my pillow.

the morning over the top of my computer, through the security bars i had installed to keep my wild beasts IN! (just kidding. or am i?)

morning tea composition. complete with my phone.

egon's in her little happy spot. it makes me happy, too.

pretty clouds through the back door

having finished my animatic, i head to school on the bart train.

i forgot to take a picture of my preproduction classroom in the light. we're at one long table made of many tables with computers and a screen at one end. that's where we did our presentations, like this lady is doing here. i usually went first. everyone thought it was brave, but it just saved me from sitting in a nervous puddle for the entire class. it's good to get it over with.

and how was YOUR day, egon? you're the prettiest girl there is, you know.

the next morning, foggy foggy (my favorite). el fuego waiting across the street. beginning the long long tuesday...

the window to the left of our front door. and the flora beyond.

out front! on my way out.

sometimes i walk to school, sometimes i drive. this day i drove and parked by the ivy.

over i-280 on my walk to the balboa park bart station.

the hills! the hills!

team balboa park prepares to embark.

here comes the train!

there it is!

such a sweet face rode across from me.

my favorite beatles song came on by surprise.

powell street bart station

emerging into the tourist world of powell street. the street car turn around is mere feet away. this is early morning on my way to animation class, around 8am, so it's not too crazy yet.

free newspaper with crossword puzzle to be conquered!

heading through the maze of tourists and homeless people.

i hate this billboard. her hair is way too mature looking. ugh. they still haven't changed it. barf.

the shooting lab. tiny. cramped. ill-equipped. luckily i came early enough that it was empty.

the animation classroom. it's actually pretty great.

waiting for class to beeegin...

the front of the classroom with renee, tina and estevan.

a quick lunch in the border's cafe.

and into the undergrad lab. though i'm NOT an undergrad, their lab is WAY bigger than the grad lab. it's also kind of a club in there complete with secret handshakes and everything. and it's loud. and boisterous. and smells like the gross food they bring in there. apparently i'm an old lady that has to hang out with the youngins to get some peace. the florescent lights aren't my favorite.

this is our character design class. we drew from a model all day. these aren't the greatest pictures. i wanted to get everyone working, but i forgot. or got shy. or was working myself.

we're leaving on our dinner break, but today we don't come back to class because...

our pathetic, embarrassing, horrible, tiny 'lounge'. it always stinks like gross food. the tables (all 3 of them) are often sticky with spray mount that some asshole has gotten everywhere from working on homework 5 minutes before class. tonight it's just me until i get harassed by some friendly classmates before...

the fall animation festival! that's tom bertino (my beloved former history of animation professor.) he's awesome and silently entertaining the audience before the show.

two of my first friends: cody looking weird and gene, also looking weird, actually.

afterwards, cody and i went for our traditional $2 tuesday margaritas. that's cody there. looking weird.

four margaritas $9.11 with unlimited FREE chips. priceless. best treat ever.

union square all dressed up for christmas.

finally on my way back to bart. longest day ever.

after a long day, lots of finals stress and two margaritas. eesh.

pretty deserted on a tuesday night at...

team balboa park heads up the stairs to the street...

which kind of looks like this...

walking back to the car by the ivy. yes i'm fine to drive.

more work cleaning up my turn around of my thesis character hazel based on the macquette i did.

egon's right. time for bed after a long long day. phew. this began the week before the last week of the semester...

the last bit of the fall 2010 semester. part 1

2010-12-19T19:05:00.000-08:00

as promised, i took many pictures of what the week before the last week was like. i didn't document EVERYTHING as that would have been self-indulgent, and largely boring and redundant. here i am at home again. here i'm in the lab. again. on bart. on powell. blah blah blah. so, i didn't document everything, but you'll get the idea.

a video intro. (i'm wearing that very hat right now as well.)

here i am on sunday night, around midnight. i'm working on my animatic for preproduction. an animatic is a storyboard put into a program where it can all be timed out and parts of the frame, like the character, can be moved, and crudely animated in the environment. this process takes forever. and i'm just learning the program we're using, adobe after effects, so it takes longer. i also have little patience for it, so two key players in my tech support team will make an appearance sunday night.

this is just my desk. i didn't realize that photobooth was still open, so you can see me taking pictures on the computer screen.

i just swiveled in my chair and took these pictures of what the area under my bed looks like.

ever present and supportive egon.

that little grey figure is the maquette i made of my thesis character, hazel.

one of the shots of my animatic.

the jellyfish just above my computer screen.

working working.

a wider shot, including tech support #1: a glass of wine. HUGE help.
tech support #2: josh. (via skype) unaware he's being photographed. it looks like he's making fart noises with his hands, but i can categorically say he's not.
josh, aware he's being photographed.
egon's ready for bed already, gawd.

alright, alright. getting ready for bed, which means turning on the orange lantern.

and carrying egon up the ladder...
...to bed!
but wait, i gotta brush my teeth. here's the kitchen on the way to the bathroom.
the front room (just outside my door)

what the bathroom looks like.

it LOOKS a lot more cluttered than it IS. it's cozier than that, i promise.
it looks like i composed this, but that's really what my bedside table looks like. with all those things, just so. the clock says 4.31am.
so sleepy. and half-blind from computing.
but first, this is where the ceiling is, just so you know.

this hovers just above my nose as i sleep, waiting to greet me in the morning:

mingus: july 11,2002-november 18,2010

2010-11-19T11:50:00.000-08:00

where we got her. her early years. travel. incidents. likes. dislikes. her final couple days. finding her. josh calling right then. talking to anne. renting a car, the perfect basket casket. sitting with her. candles. the sunset. sebastopol. the spot. the horses. the pall bearers. breaking ground. sharing digging duties. the burial. the covering the grave with grass. the candles. the moonlight. the breath. the song. the return. the jameson. the perfection. the love. the LOVE.

my dear friend jesse and i shared an apartment for the fall semester of my junior year of college, before i moved to scotland. one day he came home and asked me if i wanted a kitten. i'm not sure what my *exact* words were, but i'm pretty sure they were along the lines of 'HELL YEAH!' and i may have squealed a little. he'll have to tell you the story of where he found her, but he brought her home and i think i was at school or something, so when i came home, there was a little champagne-colored, stripey kitten in our house. she was maybe 3 months old when we got her.

and tiny. she was the runt. and she stayed tiny. til i left for scotland and she became big mama while i was away.

i loved the jazz cafe recording of charles mingus playing the song 'fables of faubus'. it's SO good. the album version is painfully slow, but the live one is funkier and livelier and way better. jesse liked charles mingus as well, so i decided, we decided, to name our new kitten 'mingus'.

she'd climb on our screens and lick the water off my legs when i got out of the shower and chase me around when my feet were bare and try to bite the tops of them. she bit nate's feet, sometimes crawling under the covers to do it. when the bathroom door was closed, she'd reach under there and all i'd see was a tiny, white-booted kitten paw reaching up the door, patting around, looking for a way in (like the alien in the pantry in 'signs').

jesse litter box trained her and was the disciplinarian which was much needed. she had a gentleman caller cat who'd woo her through our glass-paneled back door. he was much too old for her. i tried to train her to walk on a leash, but she was an independent kitty and was having none of it.

my amazing, loving and supportive parents agreed to take care of her for the months i was away studying in glasgow. (jesse and i had decided that she was my cat at this point) i left them with a tiny, sweet, scared, lovely kitten and returned to a full grown and rather full-bodied cat. she went through heat while i was gone. i don't know why we didn't spay her before this, but my parents had to do it. my dad would recreate her unsettling vocals for me over the phone. sometimes i could hear her in the background.

my friend robert flew down to drive back to washington with mingus and i, and do we have some stories. i'll let him tell you about it.

mingus was with me when nate died and let me hug her. she moved with me into my tiny, messy, cluttered house behind my friends' house after graduation. to seattle into a basement apartment with gabe where we later adopted a pregnant astrud and mingus' life was never the same after egon was born on our bed. we lived happily in 3 different spots in seattle, the girls endured the drive back to colorado where we moved into mom and dad's basement, and they endured the drive out to california, living under a bathtub in sebastopol, then in squalor on valencia street, then noe valley briefly, then back to sebastopol in melissa's art studio and in the tall grass of the backyard/pole bangers field.

mingus LOVED being outside. she loved it. she'd go straight for the nearest, greenest grass and eat as much of it as her little kitty belly could hold.

she didn't like me to touch her belly. or her paws. she'd let me hold her sometimes. she'd let me pet her, but she'd bite me after a while. playfully and lovingly, but bites. sometimes hurt and annoyed more than other times.

she had dandruff and infected anal glands. she was overweight and had a heart murmur. but she was sassy. and lazy. and affectionate. and loving. especially loving on her final two days.

she loved drinking out of the sink, or just jumping up there so i'd scratch her.

she loved being brushed and then turning around to bite the bristles and chew on her extracted fur. she liked to smell my breath and would give me little kitty kisses if it smelled good enough. only after ice cream or yogurt usually. wednesday night i said goodnight to her and let her smell my breath after eating the last of my smoked gouda. no kisses.

she wasn't a great traveller, and she didn't like dogs. or vacuums. or being on a diet.

she loved sneaking under my quilt and laying in her little bean-shape under there for hours and hours. before i lofted my bed, she'd crawl under the blankets with me. she loved the bed.

and she loved me. a lot, i think.

wednesday night, i bid her goodnight with some scratches and pets, a head butt and some gouda breath.

thursday morning i lingered in bed for longer than usual. egon was yelling at me from below. she's always yelling at me in the mornings because she's hungry for breakfast and attention. i peaked over the foot-edge of my bed (which is 6 ft. in the air) said hello to egon who was looking at me from the floor, and hello to mingus who was in her bed on the chair directly below me, head and right leg hanging over the edge. i said her name. she didn't stir. i think i knew right then. i climbed down the ladder and said her name louder. touched her side, shook her bed, saw that she wasn't breathing. mingus is dead, i thought to myself. totally matter-of-factly and without emotion. whoa. then the hysterics started in. right as josh called. i've been thinking about this today, and it must've been intense to hear me answer the phone like i did. i tried to explain what had happened. i couldn't talk that well through the shocked and stifled sobs. somehow i got it out that mingus had died. i hung up. fed egon. washed my face and called him back. i asked him if he could come over. i think he said 'of course'.

i didn't know what to do. what do you do? she hadn't been to the vet out here, yet. i took them in colorado before we left and was planning on taking them soon since they'd just had fleas and probably have worms.

do i call the spca and schedule a necropsy? the thought of it was just too terrible. transporting her around, dealing with vets and clinics and yuck. i called my sister and sobbed some more to her. i texted melissa and jesse. melissa called and i sobbed some more to HER. she offered up an idea that'd i'd had earlier: we bring her up to sebastopol and find a nice, secluded spot around the property somewhere, out beyond the horses. i really loved this idea. we hung up and i just sat on the floor, eye level with mingus' squinting eye, staring down at the floor. i sat with her and cried. usually i'll drive to the bart station to pick up josh, but i couldn't leave her.

i sat calmly and quietly on the floor, sometimes touching her extended arm and holding her paw, something she'd NEVER let me do in life.

as soon as josh came up the driveway, and basil became excited, i lost it. he came into more hysterics and sobs, snot and tears. he let me cry as much as i needed to and just held me. once i'd gathered myself, he began to make arrangements. for a car, (i haven't taught him to drive el fuego. YET) for a vessel in which to transport and bury her, to confirm that my meeting at school was cancelled, for lunch, for anything i needed. my roommate caro came home from work to give me a warm hug and offer kind words and any help she could, which was so sweet and appreciated. we all talked about it, it was nice to have support in my decision not to take her anywhere for examination, but to bury her in a place that she loved with those to whom i'm so close and who knew and loved her.

they left and i sat. sometimes with egon, sometimes alone. caro's cat simon came in to pay his respects and sniff mingus and try to engage her gaze. it was so sweet and so sad.

i sent many texts. i received many texts. i tried to gather things for the trip and clear things away from her so that it would be easier to move her. i took some pictures, which have really come in handy today because it's SO surreal and unbelievable. i lit some candles. i sat. i cried. and cried. and sat. and cried.

the vessel that josh found was a lovely grey basket with a lid. i was concerned that with her arm extended like it was, it might be harder to fit her in anything. after we ate lunch, it was time to get everything together and head north. by this point it was already 4. traffic would be heavy and it would be getting dark.

initially i'd wanted to help josh place her in the basket, but i couldn't. i lost it. he gently insisted i leave the room while he got her situated inside. which was really wonderful of him, i think.

i didn't want her to be moved out of her little bowl-bed and wanted to include the blanket it was on to put under and fold over her. everything fit so perfectly, i still can't get over it.

we loaded the basket casket into the hatchback of the prius kitty hearse, placed some purple daisies on top and headed out.

as we drove out of the city, the sun was setting. it was a pale orange, dappled with white clouds. orange like mingus. the drive felt really long due to how quickly it became so dark. we arrived to smiling, tired, saddened melissa and jesse. i took them up on the offer of some jameson immediately. oh yes please. we relaxed for a second, i tried not to cry a lot, there was macaroni and cheese and snuggles and laughter and a decision on where we'd go.

we geared up in coats and hats and rubber boots, my pockets bulging with candles. melissa and i served as pall-bearers with jesse leading the way with a pickaxe in hand and josh bringing up the rear with a shovel. i told melissa 'i can't believe what we're doing'. 'i know' she said.

we walked through the apple orchard and up the wide path to the pond. the moonlight was so bright and the overcast clouds thin enough that we didn't need the flashlight.

i walked with my head down, tears streaming, throat closing. melissa got my attention and i looked past her to see one of the two horses that live along the path was standing motionless and silent, watching us walk. as soon as i turned my head and looked at him, he quickly trotted away, but it felt like the horses could feel it and knew that a sadness had occurred.

once we'd gotten past the horses to some taller grass and a wide path, near the pond and by a small round tree, jesse suggested it would be a good spot.

the three of us stood watching as jesse broke through the top layer of grass and rocks and soil with his...pick axe? yep. just looked up what that was. that's just what he had. it made such a dull thud, and the blows were powerful enough to move the earth under it, as well as rumble the earth below our feet. it was beautiful to watch. and hear. and feel. and strange. once the earth was loosened enough, the shovel came in. jesse dug first. then melissa. then me. then josh. the earth was damp and heavy but smelled so sweet and rich.

i kept thinking that i couldn't believe what we were doing. not only that it was a surreal act to be engaged in, but also that it was SO beautiful and perfect. nice to be outside in the moonlight and to be all together.

we all too two turns digging, placed the basket in the grave, took it out to even the floor of the grave, and replaced the basket.

we all crouched down. i said some things to her and cried a lot. melissa and jesse said some things. i cried a lot. josh kept his hand firmly on my back. after a little bit of staring at the basket in the grave, we each took a hand full of earth to throw on the basket.

kneeling down, jesse with a shovel, the rest of us with bare hands, we filled the grave, pushing the damp earth into the grave. that part was really satisfying and sad and surreal.

melissa said 'let's pick some grass to lay on top and finish it off'. so we did. as the boys finished filling it in, we picked long blades of grass, which was maybe more of a dried reed.

we laid those on the grave.

we lit the 5 candles we'd brought, each of us holding one, and one going on the grave. we stood with our breath swirling in mist in the candle light. melissa and i sang 'for the beauty of the earth'. we stood for a minute. i bent down to say goodbye and blow out mingus' candle.

we walked back, by the horses, through the orchard, with our candles lit.

it was the most beautiful funeral. and i think she would have found it most satisfactory.

it's now been a week since she died. today is friday, the day after thanksgiving. i dreamt of her a couple days ago. i was in a hotel lobby fumbling with some stuff, barefoot, looking for my room, and mingus trots over. tail held high, looking so bright eyed and happy. and thin. svelte even. she looked really happy and lively and she walked right over to me, trotted over, really and nuzzled me and let me pet her.

it was wonderful. i am grateful that she came to tell me that she is ok, happy even and that her spirit is forever entangled with mine.

though the death of mingus was beautiful and perfect and generous and loving of her to leave the way she did, the loss of her continues to be profound.

as my dear friend jane said 'you will never be a meredith who never had a mingus'.

thank god for that.

this i vow. i do.

2010-11-17T00:28:00.000-08:00

for all those who check my blog from time to time and are like 'what the HELL?!': i've just decided, a little tipsy after two margaritas, and with a purring egon on my lap, that i, at this moment, promise to deliver some blog posts consisting of pictures and words detailing ONE WEEK of my life, during my final three weeks of my... 5th? semester of grad school. so you can see what it's like. i will document, i will toil, i will prevail over the goblin, troll, behemoth that is finals, and i will gather, organize my documentation and i will share. this i promise. and it might bee too much information. but you'll get to see what my room looks like, what pjs i wear, what class is kind of like and what i've been doing and whom i've been doing it with. you. are. welcome.

wonderful animation pieces i've seen: chapter 10

2010-07-28T23:33:00.000-07:00

wonderful animation pieces i've seen: chapter 9

2010-07-09T20:08:00.001-07:00

wonderful animation pieces i've seen: chapter 8

2010-07-04T22:49:00.000-07:00

wonderful animation pieces i've seen: chapter 7

2010-07-02T09:46:00.000-07:00

wonderful animation pieces i've seen: chapter 6

2010-06-19T20:08:00.000-07:00

i saw 'toy story 3' today. i sat in the back,

next to a young-ish couple and their 5-ish

year old daughter. the theatre was packed.

the kids were pretty well behaved and quiet.

i laughed (out loud!) i cried (or, i got choked-up

and teary on at LEAST 3 occasions). it was

tense, full of action and adventure and love and

creepiness! the little girl next to me was burying

her face at a couple points that are seriously freaky.

(it reminded me of not being able to handle 'mr. toad's

wild ride' at disneyland.)

but it was so very lovely. so so wonderful. go. go see it.

asap.

hopefully this won't spoil anything

too big, but if you want to be surprised,

don't watch this. the short before the

movie is unlike anything i've ever seen.

so simple, yet so complex and BIZARRE.

but great, obvs.

so, SPOILER ALERT.

i like the interviews and that they

watched all the prison escape

movies they could find. pixar's

cool like that.

this is the short that i got to see

on my little visit to pixar. love it.

wonderful animation pieces i've seen: chapter 5

2010-06-19T20:03:00.000-07:00

sure it's a trailer, but i think it looks great. the first trailer i saw for this looked stupid, and i'm glad they've won me over. the part with the kitten book and the fluffy animal at the fair make me laugh every time. i think it's gonna be good.

some photo booth pictures from arroyo grande

2010-06-15T18:59:00.000-07:00

ryan's a nerd, and theo's holding two fingers.

theo and auntie. sweetest baby ever.

silly faces for sully's amusement.

not as amused.

way too cool, auntie. i have headphones on my shirt.

aw.

on the day it all went down, the afternoon of june 2nd. i'm ready to go.

wonderful animation pieces i've seen: chapter 4

2010-06-15T01:52:00.000-07:00

Lucky- All India Radio from bi bug on Vimeo.

magical

the day theo arrived.

2010-06-07T21:32:00.000-07:00

i hope to never forget: june 1st, that we were watching 'glee' when her water broke. that she walked in circles, sang in the shower and laughed and told jokes in between and sometimes during her early contractions. we rubbed her back while we watched 'blue planet'. the escalation of the contractions and when she finally broke down that she couldn't take it through her tears. it was hard to watch. her tears brought my tears. the waiting for the epidural. the waiting and waiting. the nap i got to take at the end of her bed. the shivering. the whole body shivering (as a reaction to the epidural?) the rawness of it. the primal nature of it...as primal as a hospital setting with an epidural can be. but it reminded me of watching my grandma die in that way. it was an ancient, human experience. what a warrior anne proved herself to be. she was amazing. and ryan, too. so devoted, so supportive, so loving and awesome. she couldn't have found a better husband to her, or father to their boys.

i woke up from my lovely nap to anne expressing discomfort and feeling pressure. the nurses assured her the doctor was on her way, but not to push. this went on for at least an hour. she said it felt like having the 'biggest dump of your life and being told not to push'. she breathed through it. the nurses were coming in and out. 'she's ready' they kept saying. 'i called the doctor again...she's on her way'. finally the doctor arrived. calm, lovely, funny, real. 'oh. you're pooing! that's good!' she said. apparently she hit every red light on the way there, and another hospital had no water yesterday. everything was so casual with them. she got settled and told anne to push.

first push: the top of his head. second push: his whole head, his little squished face. i gasped and gripped my scarf and some tears fell. it wasn't crying as much as just tears. tears of awe.

third push: screams! the doctor grabbed his head and neck, and in what i described as cold, clinical brutality, pulled him out with the last push. i was standing to anne's left, about even with where the action was, maybe a little lower. i didn't have to lean too much to see what was going on. and there he was, held in the air, little theo. with one great exhale, he spewed out the clear liquid of his own little sea as though he'd been rescued from drowning.

and was immediately placed on his life raft exhausted elated mother. ryan and i stood stunned and so happy for a moment and then 'hey mere...wanna see something crazy?' 'not really.' but i looked anyway, as the liver on a white rope that is the placenta was pulled out. at 7.45 am on june 2nd.

now we have theodore grey woodward. weighing in at 7lbs 7oz and 21 in. long fingers, long toes with a big toe that looks like a lemur thumb. he's handsome and perfect and the sweetest little pea. oh theo. you join your brother among 'cutest, loveliest kids ever'.

two babies! so crazy...

it's all happening.

this is when theo first met anne and ryan.

the application of his little hat.

safe and warm, together at last.

first bath.

all clean, cosy, warm, together.

auntie and theo meet.

together on the outside at last.

with dad.

a couple days later, awake and everything.

sully and i, early evening on the 1st. before it all went down, in a rare cuddle moment.

wonderful animation pieces i've seen: chapter 3

2010-05-29T02:22:00.000-07:00

The Cat Piano from PRA on Vimeo.

as a lover of cats, this is hard for me to watch in parts, but mostly awesome. i'm so glad it came to me! oh i love that these kinds of things are being made today. i love it so much. yay for p.r.a., some australians rocking it hard.

so...does this mean you CAN park there, or....?

2010-05-09T21:09:00.000-07:00

this is on my walk to BART every day. it makes me laugh.

the sneak

2010-04-16T16:04:00.001-07:00

this one isn't as successful. the head wobbles and there's a stutter in there that i tried in vain to fix, but i enjoyed it. i think it's 34 drawings all together.

the assignment was to do a 'sneak cycle' where you shoot the two steps you've drawn, then move the drawings and reshoot them, carefully matching the feet up between the last drawing and the first drawing so the character sneaks across the page.

it could be better, but i don't hate it.

animation triumph from today

2010-04-16T15:57:00.000-07:00

the teddy bear isn't fully animated, but i made my class laugh a lot today with this short piece that took me many hours.

the audio is from an episode of the british show 'absolutely fabulous'.

i know it's unexplainably weird. i'm not sure how this ridiculous concept popped into my head.

wonderful animation pieces i've seen: chapter 2

2010-04-07T01:55:00.000-07:00

wonderful animation pieces i've seen: chapter 1

2010-04-07T01:38:00.000-07:00

Sonar from Renaud Hallée on Vimeo.

it's him, it's him, oh my god, it's him. OMG!

2010-04-04T22:31:00.000-07:00

it's been a while since i've related any rain cloud adventures, and here's a good one:

it began yesterday, with our arrival at wondercon 2010. i went to apecon in october and saw a commercial for wondercon on tv, but that didn't fully prepare me for what was in store for me and my mom and dad who were visiting that weekend. i thought 'hm. mom and dad are gonna be here that weekend. i guess i won't go to wondercon, or i can go on sunday or something... OR i can bring them with me!' i went with the latter, so the lagermans descended on the moscone center around 1.30 on saturday.

it was madness. the ultimate nerdfest. there were costumes aplenty and just general weirdness, like the guy pulling a radio flyer wagon containing an enormous rubber band ball along with a few smaller ones (O_o). we saw a couple poison ivy ladies, a lilu from the 5th element, storm troopers, new star trek cadets (including the green girl), an alien guy who was whapping people with his 5ft long latex tail, a captain jack sparrow, and many other characters i couldn't identify.

and it was crowded with (non-costumed)nerds. we had to squeeze through eachother almost everywhere. i found it stressful and overwhelming. we were also getting hungry. then the sign for 'artist alley' appeared. hooray! perhaps i'll see nicolas (my instructor from last semester and favorite teacher. ever.) we didn't end up seeing him, but through the meandering and the squeezing, we came upon a table without a person behind it, covered in comic books, collections, dvds and prints by my favorite living artist: david mack.

my dear friend j. crowe introduced me to comics some ten years ago. i thought they were lame and for nerds, but i was wrong. i was introduced to daredevil and kabuki. kabuki is written and painted by david mack, and he also did a stint for daredevil, too, which was awesome.

i quickly became enchanted, enthralled and obsessed with his work. i loved the figurative element to it, the watercolor, the collage, the atmosphere, the messy control, and just the extreme beauty he is able to achieve. his work is just perfect. so creative. so fresh. so simple. so genius.

his work really speaks to me and encourages me to do things different, simple and beautiful, but as weird as i want. i can't explain his influence on me, but he's in my top five favorite artists with klimt, schiele, munch and singer sargent. he's HUGE for me.

i did a couple kind of 'master studies' of his paintings, one of which i've been looking for. i used to keep it in my bathrooms in college and i fear that i may have given it away like a big dork. i can't find a picture of it, but it's two pairs of ladies' lips, just before they kiss. and it turned out well and i want it, but oh well.

ANYWAY i love him. i haven't gotten anything new by him since those first three or so. i can't explain why, except that i'm poor most of the time, and easily distracted. but i do often think of him and his work and love to revisit the comics that i have.

so wondercon comes up. will he be there? i looked in the artist listing and didn't see him, so coming across his table was totally unexpected. no one was there, and there was a handwritten note on a pile of books saying he'd left for lunch and would be back. but the cards on the table were for someone else, and 'editor', i think. we wandered off and decided to come back later so i could buy some prints. i kept saying that i hoped it wasn't him because i might squeal or throw up on him or something. but also that that table was the reason i came. oh man.

half an hour later, there's a man there, behind the table, crowded with people. i've seen pictures of him, but it's been a while. as i was trying to read his dangling, spinning name tag from behind and between people, dad said 'i think it's him...it's him!'.

oh man. did i say we were all hungry? well, we were. i was getting shaky from low blood-sugar and now i was REALLY shaky. i turned to mom and dad to tell them whatever, that i was going to talk to him, they were readying their cameras. 'let's get a picture with him. do you want to? stand next to him, etc.' this horrified me. i was already flustered and couldn't handle asking him to pose for a picture with me, so after pleading with them NOT to do that: me-'no. please no. please. please. please don't.' dad- 'oh KAY!' i approached his table. squeezed between two guys on the side and listened as he explained putting dead bugs on a copier to get the effect of the image two girls were looking at.

then he turned and looked at me. i took a breath and pretty much blurted 'hi.' (held out my hand and he shook it. he shook my hand.) 'i'm edi...i love you so much.' i didn't know what else to say or how to say it. what do you say?! 'wow. what an introduction!' he said. 'i can't tell you what a huge influence you've had on me as an artist. i've never met anyone who's influenced me as much as you have. i'm so glad to meet you blather blather etc.' i got a little choked up telling him how much his work has meant to me. i couldn't help it. i was overwhelmed.

'oh. well that's such a nice thing to hear. it's so nice to meet you. thanks for coming.' i'm the nicest guy EVER kind of things. he asked if i'd seen the new things. i said i hadn't, for various reasons, bought the new ones. 'feel free to spend as much time as you want looking at everything and ask any questions you might have. take as much time as you need.'

i breathlessly thanked him and asked if any of his work is digital, he said he hasn't tried it, which i found comforting. as i stood there, someone from some comic publisher or something came up to pitch him something. i'm not sure. it was a blur. i also asked him if he works from live models. he said that he did drawings from models for fun and opened up one of his books to show me his ink sketches.

i picked out two prints. 'would you like me to sign them?' 'um, YEAH.'

'do you have any of these?' he said, pointing to four of his artbooks. 'i don't' i said, kind of apologetically. 'well, here.' as he grabbed them, i said to myself, out loud 'oh my gosh, really?!' he signed all four and handed them to me, smiling his warm, sweet, open smile. 'thank you so much.' i gushed all over him. 'you're very welcome. feel free to come back.' 'thank you. i will.' i said.

unfortunately i didn't go back, but that's alright. it was awesome.

i met david mack.

my favorite living artist.

i will never meet someone of whom i'm a bigger fan, or who's influenced me more.

and he couldn't have been nicer or more gracious.

it was such a lovely moment.

dad snapped this picture with his phone. i didn't know he was doing it and i'm glad he did.

there we are. together. and he's smiling. at ME! *sigh* it was THE coolest.

he couldn't have been nicer.

love love LOVE david mack so much more now, if that's possible.

now i just have to meet the equally influential david attenborough and i'll be done. everyone else i could meet will pale in comparison to my two hugely influential david teachers.

after writing this, i've been doing the research that would've been nice to have under my belt before talking to him, and i found this blog posting. the videos are good to watch, especially the second one where he draws, giggles and talks at the same time. something i really love about this post is what is said at the very end: In the gallery he talked about the concept of talent, and how easily it's squandered and how often people mistake practice and hard work for talent. Someone said "Yeah but you have talent, that Daredevil drawing only took fifteen seconds!" Mack corrected, "No, it took a lifetime and fifteen seconds."

i love that.

flour sack animation

2010-03-13T10:51:00.000-08:00

hopefully this works, sister.

38 drawings including the background. lovies.

interim 3- arroyo grande! (day 1)

2010-02-06T19:24:00.000-08:00

WEEEEEEEE.

new year's day i went with two of melissa's friends to pick her up at the airport at 1am. we then went up to sebastopol to giggle, sleep and pick up el fuego, which i took down to see my sister, who has moved, with her family, only 4 hours south. HOORAY!

her husband, ryan, was training for his new position in new york for 2 weeks, so i came down to, i dunno, hang out really. i tried to help with the duties, but sullivan is so tiring. he's 16 months old and the ultimate rascal. we were wiped out. and i don't even have pregnancy to blame, like my crazy sister who's having another boy in june. a mild-tempered, relaxed boy.

the first day we went into town, which i think anne refers to as 'the village' (?) and saw the resident roosters that hang about, played on the swinging bridge, the old tractor, in the gazebo, etc...

there was lots of playing with an assortment of balls. here sully shows how he doesn't like to get things on his hands.

best friends on the way to watch the sun set at the park.

more balls at the park.

mom and son being adorable.

fun bath-time after a long day.

and that was it. we made some kind of dinner and crashed, watching tv until bedtime. all in all, day 1 was a success!

interim 2- new year's eve in s.f.

2010-02-06T18:57:00.000-08:00

after a fiasco of flights and stand-bys and the tantalizing offer of riding on a flight that dad FLEW (there wasn't room for me, it turned out. lame. the second question i get when i tell people dad's a pilot is usually 'have you ever ridden on one of his flights'. i've always had to admit a disappointed 'no'. the first question is 'have you travelled everywhere for FREE?!') i made it back to san francisco. on the 30th, i think. maybe the 29th. ANYway.

new year's eve: i decided to make a casserole, or 'hot dish', for abigail and her boyfriend monroe, for dinner. wild rice and creamy portobello soup goodness. they invited their friend from college over: zoltan. i'd heard of him before and didn't think he actually existed outside of a comic book villain or something. sure enough, he exists and was delightful. he's from the city, so he had many post-dinner new year's eve parties to attend. we were PICKED UP (awesome) in a prius and driven to the haight. we walked in on a fancy house party looking like some confused thing the cat dragged in. we decided to leave and go to a party at what was described to us as 'the playboy mansion' which we took literally. we were dropped off (again, AweSOME) in ashbury heights and made our confusing way up the hill. after weaving around the street, we found jericho, the former occupant of my room, who ushered us the rest of the way.

we found ourselves in a warm apartment packed FULL with less fancy people, all of whom we didn't know. i tried to eat what i could find, which wasn't a lot. the apartment overlooked the city and we spent the majority of the evening on the fire escape where i constantly squealed "look at where we ARE!"

we lit sparklers and yelled and it was a strange but happy new year. i think walking back was my favorite part. through the castro (where i had to dance to 'single ladies' on the sidewalk) and home. hooray.

during the afternoon i met abigail at the dolores park cafe where we drank tea and had computer and baby time. (she's a nanny)

how someone decorates their driveway in ashbury heights. delightful? yes!

abigail and monroe looking as awkward as possible. (there's champagne in that jar)

i have pictures of us on the balcony, but apparently they weren't great? anyway, i'm glad i allowed myself to be dragged out of the house.

happy 2010.

spring semester has begun!

2010-02-05T16:59:00.000-08:00

i'll return to the 'interim' posts, but i thought i'd write about this new semester now that i've had all my classes for the first time.
tuesday from 3.30-6.20, in a frigid lecture hall in a building that used to be a church, i am taught 'the history and techniques of character animation'. my professor is tom bertino. he's a spritely, schnauzer of man who sparkles with joy and delight in animation. he's great. there are maybe 35 students in the class and about 20 of them are from korea.
in the first class, we watched the very first animated films, the first from 1904. these early animators were newspaper 'cartoonists' though their work can hardly be compared with what we see today. the draftsmanship was of the highest quality and their cartoons were meant to be savored and pored over. poured over? poored over. anyway. yes. let's see if i can find some examples...this is from an artist named Jehan Testevuide, and though he's french, i think it's pretty much the same this as what was happening in new york at the time (the center of all art and theatre, etc).

artists like testevuide frequently had 'sketch acts' on the vaudeville stage. they'd draw really fast, draw with one pencil in each hand, draw behind their backs, etc. with the art of film in its infancy, people were making 'trick' films using very simple film tricks to make illusions. well, one of these newspaper artists/vaudeville performers decided to make a kind of 'trick' film. his name was j. stewart blackton and he made what we know as the first animated film. it's from 1906 and called 'humorous phases of funny faces'. two years later, 'fantasmagorie' turned up in france. WAY better. by emile cohl.

then windsor mccay came along and blew everyone out of the water. in 1911, he rocked it using characters from his famous (at the time) comic strip 'little nemo in slumberland'. HIS film is just called 'little nemo'.

they're all NUTS and it's hard to believe how awesome they are, especially mccay when there was little or no precedent.

the last film i'll share, that was the first widely seen animated film and thus thought to be the first animated film at all is 'gertie the dinosaur'. mccay used this film as part of his stage act and would interact with gertie from the stage. people would flip their shit, greatest thing they'd ever seen.

so. that was cool.

wednesday i have lab time in the animation lab for when we know what the heck we're doing.

thursday i have 'acting for animators' at noon.

usually the class has close to 20 people. our class has 7. 7 people. the first day was weird and uncomfortable and the term 'instrument' was used and i cringed and we laughed and it was strange. so, we'll see. my skepticism about that class hasn't been lessened in anyway. yet.

today, friday, i had 'traditional animation 1' at noon.

i took a picture of our class room, but my camera chord is at home, so...later.

our professor worked on 'where the wild things are' and is currently working on 'prince of persia' which he says 'no one will see'. there's a lot of computer work to be done, which makes me nervous. our instructor makes me nervous a little, because he's nervous, but a nice enough guy who seems very happy, which is good. there are 18 students in that class. i am one of only 4 girls. but i know some of my classmates already, which is nice.

one thing free of my semester so far: my arch nemesis 'laughing girl'! she's in none of my classes and i haven't seen, or more importantly HEARD her at all! hooray!

the end.

the interim 1:christmas in colorado

2010-02-01T15:47:00.000-08:00

school ended on december 16th, not to begin again until today, actually, february 1st.

my first journey was to longmont to spend 6 days with mom, pops and gizmo, with one day for friends.

taking gizmo on a snowy walk

dearest chrissy, jeremiah (?) and baby nicky (nicholas jacob). 2 weeks old (?)

kids who went to middle school together, not seen together in 9 years.

jane simmons amuses josh gregory

steven tillman and casey shank

myself, miss jane and miss anna lusero. lovelies!

jane and tom. <3

steven and anna.

josh, me, anna, casey, doug, steven. we're dorks.

2010-01-24T13:27:00.000-08:00

i dreamt of walking to some sort of ceremony, along a freeway with mom, pops, anne and some tall gent, like ryan's cousin adam.

early in our walk i was accosted by wasps. wasps unlike any i'd ever seen. they were very plain, with no stripes or markings. for some reason i can't begin to fathom, i was wearing a 'shirt' that was little more than a sports bra, exposing my belly. my bellybutton was a shallow dip in my skin, but as large as a dinner plate. the wasps were getting under where my skin overlapped the 'plate' and laying their eggs! i managed to scoop them all out while trying to remain calm. i only scooped out one, yellow, pulsing, grain of rice sized egg, but that's all there was. then the wasps left me alone. everyone else in my party seemed apathetic to my plight.

our journey continued. along the way, i found a mountain lion cub and carried it around as my little pet. 'isn't that the sweetest face you've ever seen?!' i'd say. he was as soft as egon and stayed pretty still, enduring my affections.

we passed a great estate behind a decorative cement wall and a vast lawn. the house was open and serving as a museum. from the road we could see the antique drawings of all types of catheters and hideous looking probes attached to bags. anne and this adam-type character went in and beckoned mom from the porch. 'mom, you must see this. it's just for you.'

mom was almost angry in her reply 'we must be getting along!'

at last, she made her way toward the house, i followed with my cub, pops stayed behind.

there were glass cases full of specimens of one kind or another and some taxidermied animals laying on their sides. i remember a big horn sheep and perhaps a fawn. the main floor of the house was bright and beautiful but full of these strange, grotesque and unsettling medical and animal displays. mom was fascinated and was telling me about the medical devices.

the end.

i've been dreaming a lot about wild cats as cubs. it's bizarre.

dreams to remember

2009-12-29T13:38:00.000-08:00

i'm sitting in the airport, waiting to board my flight to las vegas with a connection to san francisco, and i re-remembered my dream. i'm charging my ipod and using the fantastically slow free wi-fi that dia offers.

i could write it down, but my bags are packed to the gills and my computer's right here, so i may as well share.

i find myself justifying my posts to myself, and sometimes to you, dear reader. and i shouldn't apologize. i should just shut up and type.

this was a dream of much transport. i was a constant passenger in a car. driving down a country road, in the late winter as there was just a dappling of snow beyond the dry road, beneath the bare trees.

the point of the dream i'll talk about took place while i was in the back, left seat. and the driver was on the right. the driver was a young male, maybe my age, i don't know who, but i was comfortable with him as he drove me around. i looked out my window and saw a crow flying right next to me. an albino crow. i squealed 'an ALBINO crow!' and rolled down the window.

the crow seemed to be waiting for this as it flew right in. within dream moments, it had shrunk down to the size of a hummingbird and was flying madly around the car, gently banging on the windows, so i let it out again and it was gone.

i woke up and then fell asleep again and found myself answering the phone. 'hello, steve martin' i said. we were best friends and he was calling to offer me a ride to the airport, which i accepted. i never made it to the point in the dream where the service was performed, though. pity. steve martin is so cool.

clothed figure drawing

2009-12-26T19:16:00.001-08:00

the last drawing on the last day: the spy.

the picture my friend cody took of me on the last day. aren't i just lovely?

the bean under the blanket

2009-12-26T19:07:00.000-08:00

egon, what's in there?
let's see...

oh! it's another fuzz face purr baby! we woke her up.

ok, go back to sleep, if you can even breathe under there.

a word on the victorians

2009-12-26T18:17:00.001-08:00

i went through a bit of a victorian phase this semester.

it began with 'jack and the beanstalk'.

during the first class of 'visual elements of the story', we were told that we were to choose one of three stories:dracula, sherlock holmes or jack and the beanstalk. with this story we would create the 'look' of our concept.

for some reason my mind went straight to the victorians. i initially wanted it to be much more in the 'steampunk' style, but four OTHER people in my class were doing steampunk and i lost interest, for the most part.

so it just became victorian. i was able to do lots of research on carriages, lamp posts, london at night, the clothes, the funerals, etc. for two classes. it was awesome.

throughout my research i watched many period films, in addition to the animated films. one animated film that i forgot to mention in my previous post, and the only film to span both animated and victorian genres: tarzan. tarzan was great. beautiful. sweet. romantic. and dark. surprisingly dark.

one film, which i watched the most because i own it, is 'nicholas nickleby'. i love 'nicholas nickleby'. i watched it many, many times while i was drawing.

dickens apparently wrote it to expose the appalling conditions of the boys' schools in yorkshire that were notorious at the time. the hideously cruel headmaster, squires, is based on an actual man. i love that dickens really rooted for the common man, his villains are SO evil, his heroes SO pure hearted and honorable.

i love that 'nicholas nickleby' is about family and what it means. 'family is not only with whom you share blood, but those for whom you would give your blood'

i next watched 'the forsyte saga', as recommended by my mom, who is practically a scholar on british mini-series. i love the bbc mini-series phenomenon, and am grateful that they are so numerous. 'the forsyte saga' was pretty great, but i was glad when it was over. the character of soames was becoming too much for me. but i do love the family dramas, especially the victorian ones.

that's soames there. *shiver*

roman polanski's 'oliver twist' came next. this story, especially, illustrates the staggering difficulty living in victorian london must have been. man. terrible terrible misery, filth, poverty, disease, nastiness, etc etc. this movie was well done, but i didn't love it, necessarily. i'd recommend it, but don't need to see it again.

i was forced to take a break from all movie watching when my work load increased in volume and importance at the end of the semester, but after things had quieted down, i was able to begin again.

bleak house.

*sigh* where do i begin? i somehow wrangled my roommate abigail into watching it with me. my mom also recommended this one. aside from some weird filming choices (i.e. filming through a bush covered in white blossoms. most irritating and ridiculously unnecessary)bleak house was so wonderful(and not as phenominally dreary as it sounds)! gillian anderson is just stunning as lady dedlock, with her chestnut hair and gorgeous dresses. i think she's the most beautiful woman ever.

this story was dickens' exposure of the inefficient and corrupt legal system of the day. it was such an interesting cultural examination. abigail and i were continually impressed with the character of esther.

the way she spoke, with such strength, directness and firmness while being unfailingly polite, is something i so wish i could do.

she was such a great character.

all of dickens characters have such depth that his stories are a delight to watch (and read, as i've seen in my limited exposure).

like in the case of the character smallweed. he always made me laugh with his level of nastiness and angry yelling. his orange-brown teeth and disgusting, greasy, scraggly hair really brought it all together.

and it ends with everything as it should be. love love LOVE 'bleak house'.

today, we ventured out into the cold to face the hoards of movie goers to see 'sherlock holmes' and thus continue my victorian obsession.

i've read some criticisms of the movie by lame critics who are mad at the world or something because it was great. the look, the costumes, and the story are so good. i want to see it again. the end titles seriously BLEW my mind. blew my mind.

that, and avatar. not victorian, in fact as far as it can get from victorian, but also a mind-blower.

go see sherlock holmes. and avatar. they're both CRAZY and unlike anything you've ever seen.

i think now i must see 'the young victoria' to see where it all began...

jack and the beanstalk

2009-12-25T19:07:00.001-08:00

jack's turn around. yes that's jack. yes, she's a she. inventor, tinkerer, and all around lovely lady. sassy, brave, brilliant. her father's daughter.

this is corva, jack's rescued raven, outfitted with two of jack's constructions. she helps around the workshop.

he's the giant cyclops. he's a dapper gent. a chemist and creator of a mysterious power source coveted by jack's deceased father, whom jack finds after picking up her father's trail.

this is mother. she's a black widow, in mourning for her husband, disapproving of her daughter's 'un-ladylike' ways and blames her for the death of her husband. she's become sinister and bitter and hateful. i love her.

the first scene, part gouache, part photoshop brilliance (not mine, well SOME mine. but not the brilliant part). jack rides through the foggy night, incognito, to rescue the giant.

jack sneaks through her mother's house (or lair, the spider's web) to find documents of her father's, hidden by her sneaky mother.

all of these are works in progress and were my first attempts at photoshop. i'm continuing to clean them up in attempts to make them awesome and learn more about the crazy, genius software.

after the first semester

2009-12-23T20:08:00.000-08:00

what i learned:

i’m not the best, but i’m certainly not the worst.

not all boys are clueless and ridiculous-on one particularly terrible wednesday, two of my *male* classmates exhibited such kindness, sensitivity and sweetness and carefully guided me through my day of extreme frustration and emotional turmoil (ok, that's an exaggeration, but it was so terrible i almost cried). this was my favorite day of the semester.

things classmates do that i hate:

bounce their legs repeatedly, thus vibrating the entire floor.

eat whatever out of a crinkly starbucks bag while the instructor is talking. repeatedly reaching in for a bite, then out again. just take the damn thing out of there!

wear loud clacking shoes and inevitably walk in and out of the classroom at times of maximum distraction.

talk at full volume during critiques while the instructor is talking.

really, just general noise issues and complete unawareness of ones self. my nemesis goes without saying as taking the prize for being the most ridiculously obnoxious and unself-aware of them all.

oh yeah. i learned that i do indeed have a nemesis. and as a nemesis does, she’s able to disarm me in ways that no one else can.

i learned about line quality which transformed my figure drawings.

about color theory and light, character design and creating scenes.

i earned myself a drawing callous, where a small writing callous used to be. it’s pretty great.

drawing is exhausting. i have a knot in my right shoulder that i mistook for bone one day.

i’d forgotten how fun it is to be in class, and the comraderie and community that happens amongst the students.

i’d also forgotten how obnoxious people are. but more lovely than obnoxious, i found.

the new-to-me, or revisited animated movies i’ve seen and have loved this semester:

kung fu panda-so SO good. i can't get over it. i was reluctant to see it in the first place, but it is spot. on. the acting is impeccable and it's just so clever. and beautiful. and awesome. love it love it love it.

lilo & stitch-i wasn't expecting it to be so good. and funny. lilo is a great character and i love the 'broken family' angle, the thick legs of the humans and the alien captain guy. alien design is really cool overall.

surf’s up-also brilliantly acted and very cleverly executed. the surf documentary style is really accurate and mmm what... just great. and hilarious.

paprika-this movie gave me one of the weirdest, loveliest dreams i've ever had. and it's about dreams. it's japanese and freaky, but i'm usually reluctant to spend any time with anime, but this is different and beautiful and weird and awesome.

dumbo (a revisit)-parts that i laughed at as a kid still make me laugh and the characters and story still hold up over all these years of my life and since it was released in 1941. dumbo is one of my most favorite characters. ever. he's sweet. he's adorable. he's sad and devoted to his mother. love that.

aladdin (also a revisit, but freaking brilliant)-man, aladdin is so great. it's beautiful. aladdin's a fox. the design of jafar is so perfect. the story is wonderful. i get a little sick of genie after watching it repeatedly, but overall he does good things. the songs! the scenes! the story! abu! love it.

wall-e, arguably one of the greatest movies ever made. ever. i think i could get a job at pixar purely based on my love for wall-e. i can't believe that movie was made. and that it's marketed to kids! and subversive and saying important things. man. i got to see ralph eggleston speak IN the class room where i had clothed figure drawing. he's worked at pixar since toy story and was the production designer for wall-e. of the five or so talks i got to hear throughout the semester, that one was by far the most fascinating. oh i love wall-e. and you should, too.

ponyo-it was nice to see the NEW miyazaki in the THEATRE! but it was the same day as the folsom street fair (refer to an earlier post for THAT story) and i was unable to hold still and really appreciate what was happening. but i love that it addressed ocean pollution and that it opens with jellyfish.

spirited away-i hadn't seen this one for years, but it's my favorite miyazaki, though i haven't seen 2 or 3 of them. it's so imaginative and i learned that miyazaki does everything himself. he draws out the storyboards, writes the whole thing, designs characters, etc. all of it. he has a big team of animators, but he works all the time, even writing song lyrics.

bambi-pretty amazing.

mulan-i didn't love it, but there were some really beautiful aspects.

aristocats- i freakin LOVE the jazz cats and i really appreciate the way the aristocracy is portrayed. they're fun-loving and polite and gracious and just lovely lovely characters.

the emperor's new groove-this movie always makes me laugh. yzma and kronk are two of the most hilarious, awesome villains .

movies that weren’t great-

robots (there were some god points, but over-all...meh. it's cool LOOKING, but that's not everything, despite what many making movies would like you to believe. and the character of aunt fanny was ridiculous and heavy handed.)

road to el dorado (though tulio is a FOX, i hate hate HATE the character of chel. good looking and i really love kevin kline and kenneth branagh together, but chel really soured it for me.)

undecided-

fantastic mr. fox- like ponyo, i couldn't hold still. after listening to abigail talk about wes anderson's portrayal of gender roles, i find myself disappointed in him in that regard. the girls don't get a lot to do but be pretty and slutty. it's beautiful, of course. the music is great. the animation is really well done. overall i was amused, but also distracted by how small the foxes were in comparison to the humans. overall, it was charming.

where the wild things are- unexpected. but delightful.

those that i’ve met have reinforced the notion that i’ve arrived in just the right place, exactly when i was supposed to. my professors were all so patient and so generous with their considerable knowledge and talent.

i don’t remember my undergraduate professors being quite as engaged, as interested in our success and as present and engaged in teaching.

i so would’ve liked to have squeezed them all, but fear that may have been inappropriate.

the new friends that i made also proved to be a huge support. santiago and james, for so sweetly helping me through that emotional wenesday, joao for understanding my disdain for ‘the laughing girl’, cody for patiently helping me through my constant photoshop frustrations and teaching me exactly what i needed to know, emily for supplying me with tools i desperately needed, diane for telling my future and soothing my spirit, sunny for being the sweetest lady ever, and photographing my outfits that were particularly amusing to her, gene for a steady and amusing support.

i do NOT recommend taking ‘visual elements of the story’ and ‘drawing from imagination’ at the same time. i wasn’t able to devote enough time to either class to satisfy me, though i came through alright and learned more than i ever could’ve expected. i knew it would be difficult, but man, i didn’t know to what extent. but it was so awesome.

so awesome.

i don’t know how any subsequent semester could possibly rival this one.

the spring will teach me: traditional animation 1, acting for animators and the history and techniques of character animation. i hope the work load won’t be anywhere near what it was this semester. it was a nice explosion onto the world of grad school. like anne says, i’ve gone through a kind of rite of passage.

and i grew one big tree ring.

honorable mention to my two lovely roommates who witnessed several transitions, several moods, who listened to all my nonsense, and told me theirs, cooked me many many dinners, drove me to school on the one day i most needed it and for offering a general support and company that without which i wouldn't have survived.

i am now 27, with a perspective:

2009-11-18T21:31:00.000-08:00

when 'blue' was released, joni mitchell was 28.

in 1914, egon schiele had his first solo show in paris. he was 24.

born in 1982:anne hathaway, natalie portman, kirsten dunst, andy roddick, charlie cox, joanna newsom, patrick fugit, prince william.

in 1888, klimt received the golden order of merit from emperor franz josef 1 of austria for his contributions to murals painted in the burgtheater in vienna. he also became an honorary member of the university of munich and the university of vienna. (wikipedia) he was 26.

oprah moved to chicago to host a morning talk show in 1983, the first episode aired in 1984, oprah was 30.

adrian brody became the youngest actor to ever win the 'best actor' academy award. he was 29.

a portrait of dickens from 1839, when he was 27, painted by daneil maclise

In 1836 (at 24), dickens became editor of Bentley's Miscellany. during this time, his success as a novelist continued, producing Oliver Twist (1837–39), Nicholas Nickleby (1838–39), The Old Curiosity Shop and, finally, Barnaby Rudge: A Tale of the Riots of 'Eighty as part of the Master Humphrey's Clock series (1840–41)—all published in monthly instalments before being made into books. Dickens had a pet raven (!!!) named Grip which, when it died in 1841(he was 29), Dickens had it stuffed (it is now at the Free Library of Philadelphia). -from wikipedia with notations by me.

oliver twist and nicholas nickleby-written/published at 27!

the catcher in the rye was released in 1951. j.d. salinger was 32.

at 23, kurt vonnegut, jr. experienced the bombing of dresden in 1945.

kurt cobain committed suicide at 27.

jimi hendrix, janis joplin and jim morrison (in addition to kurt cobain) are all a part of the '27 club', prominent musicians who died at 27.

the artist basquiat died at 27, the day after my 6th birthday.

in 1946, at 27, nat king cole recorded 'the christmas song', along with many others and became a huge success.

ray charles made his life-changing and history changing move to seattle at 27.

jaws was released in 1975. steven speilberg was 29.

barack obama entered harvard law school in 1988. he was 27.

The house where Van Gogh stayed in Cuesmes in 1880; while living here he decided to become an artist. (at 27, of course)-also from wikipedia. he died 10 years later.

An 1868 photo of Antonín Dvořák. (aged:27 years.)

it was this year he decided to give up playing viola in the orchestra to compose. it was also at this time, he fell in love with one of his pupils and wrote the song cycle cypress trees for her. she didn't return his affections and married some one else. so he married her younger sister 5 years later. they had 9 kids.

when michael jackson unveiled 'the moonwalk' in 1983, he was 24.

when radiohead's 'pablo honey' was released, thom yorke was 25.

two years later, (thom: 27) the band released 'the bends'.

louis armstrong, circa 1928, aged 27 years.

at 28, in 1981, jean-pierre jeunet made his first live-action film-the bunker of the last gunshots.

charlie chaplin made ten films at in 1916, at 27.

upon the release of 'edward scissorhands' in 1990 one of my most favorite tim burton/johnny depp collaborations, johnny depp was 27.

pee wee's big adventure was released when tim burton was 27.

the year kate winslet was nominated for the best supporting actress oscar, aged:27 years. her first oscar nomination came at 21 for 'sense and sensibility'. damn.

cate blanchett was 29 when 'elisabeth' was released, for which she was nominated for an oscar.

at 27, wes anderson released 'bottle rocket', his first film.

a trip to where the magic happens

2009-11-16T16:51:00.000-08:00

to pixar!

for a benefit for the cartoon art museum, pixar opened its doors to anyone willing to pay to get in. i sprung for the v.i.p. ticket, getting me a membership at the museum and into the event at 11am to take advantage of the store, selling merchandise at employee prices and 'light refreshments'.

i unfortunately arrived at 12.30pm, right before all kinds of stuff was happening. driving myself in my car didn't work out, so i rode the bart, then allowed the bus driver to drive me 3 minutes in the opposite direction, as he assured me he knew where i was going.

thank goodness for my sister who was able to talk me down from my growing rage and direct me on my mile-ish walk PAST the bus stop and bart station to pixar. oh man, i was so. MAD! but my anger had been accumulating for some days. and i was wasting the $135 i'd spent to get into pixar early. GAH!

*sigh* but whatever. i got there. and it turned out i didn't miss anything but the refreshments (which are rumored to have included brownies! my very favorite).

after walking down the busy and large 40th street, past cute little houses next to houses that were a total mess, next to houses that should be condemned, i arrived in 'emeryville', described to me as 'where the mall is'. 40th opened from residential into strip malls and fast food and where that happened, where you'd expect an ace hardware to be, is pixar.

i had to walk up to the security guy to give him my name. he told me they'd check my camera when i went into the theatre. ok. and i was in.

it's lovely and all, but from here, it looks kind of sterile. like a lame office building that houses a company that does things i don't understand. actually, aside from the 'lame' part, that does describe pixar to me at this point.

kind of perfect and totally nerdy of them to have done this on the road leading to the parking lot.

right after i got my name tag, right before the security guy took pity on me and took my picture with sully and mike with my cell phone.

the lobby was full of lines:a LONG line to get into the gift shop (which is tiny) and people already lining up at the theatre to get into the screening of toy story 2 in 3-d. i had a little while, so i went upstairs to see the production artwork for 'up' where i was strictly forbidden from taking pictures of anything.

so here's the bathroom.

the bathrooms are actually really beautiful and clean and cosy.

the production artwork was cool to see. some of the artists made mixed media depictions of young ellie and old ellie, a kind of collage which was cool. there was also a miniature of the interior of the house. it made me happy to see how much stuff is actually made and drawn and that exists outside of the computer.

the areas open to us were two hallways and a couple conference rooms. there was some interesting artwork, but it was limited to 'up' and photographs taken by the artists. i would've liked to see some monsters,inc. stuff and some wall-e stuff (my two favorites). at least there were the two statues of mike and sully, but i saw no wall-e thing anywhere, except a 'x-ing' sign on an office that had wall-e in silhouette. but i wasn't able to photograph it.

after wandering through the 'up' side, i made it out to where people were standing in line to get into the theatre, checking their cameras and phones. it was here that i found out that the gift shop was supposed to close 30 mins ago and i wouldn't be able to buy anything! grr!

i'm guessing that the theatre is where they have screenings of the work done so far, and talk about it, etc. so that was interesting (and super cool) to experience. before the movie, they showed the trailer for toy story 3 and a little short film about 'tow mater' from 'cars' and his adventures in tokyo in a kind of 'fast and the furious:tokyo drift' kind of way, not that i saw that movie. i haven't seen 'cars', either. for some reason i just can't bring myself to do it. but this short was amusing and clever (of course) but i think maybe that's all the 'cars' i need to see.

then toy story 2 in 3-d. 3-d: whatever. i guess it's alright, but it doesn't excite me really, especially when the visuals are so stunning anyway. AND i've seen toy story 2 a million times (not that that has ever stopped me from watching a movie, i'd just rather it were one of my two favorites-monsters, inc. or wall-e. or UP for that matter, but it's all about toy story these days).

after the screening under the starry sky (complete with shooting stars that we were instructed to 'ooh' and 'aah' at, like THEY do at pixar <3),>

then we got to see a short film they did about 'ken' and what it's like to be him and interview him at his dream house, etc. it was a late-sixties style documentary with the swinging 'barbie' accessory (which he hates being called, apparently).

after we left the theatre and swarmed the tables to claim our devices, i walked around the other side.

from beside the incredibles, looking down at the front area. that blue past the black pole on the right is sully, standing by the front door.

i found my friend gene and he took this picture of me with my new boyfriend:

where the magic happens.

on my way out.

the lovely fall trees i showed walking in, but in a lovely, golden light.

a mini-amphitheatre

more lovely trees on the way out.

going home

halloween and day of the dead

2009-11-12T15:21:00.000-08:00

halloween 2009! from valencia to castro to haight.

melissa, a vampire french maid, myself, a honeybee and jesse as groucho marx eat FREE pumpkin pie ice cream.
someone working out, around 10.30 pm, in full costume.

some oompa loompas appear before a newswoman, reporting from the castro

a skeleton of lights sits on a ledge, over looking the revelers and the full moon reflects.

i'd turn back if i were you

jesse sits on our journey from the castro to haight street

in the hookah bar.

halloweeny storefront on haight street

the best honeybee picture we got. it's an evolving costume. next year there will be accurate wings and legs with antennae. there were antennae this year, but they were on sunglasses and i need to wear my prescription glasses at night.

day of the dead pictures to come soon...

a patient practice of breathing

2009-11-12T15:09:00.002-08:00

this week has been a transformative one.

on monday, after having a delightful morning class full of laughter and new british slang, i was able to attend a yoga class with my 'flat-mate', abigail.

it's been years since i've been to a yoga class. the last time i went was in seattle. every time i do yoga, i wonder why i've been wasting my life without it.

as my lovely yoga instructor, skeeter (also british) taught me:yoga is a patient practice. your mat is always ready when you are, waiting for you. you can't be dragged into doing it, provoking a frenzy. you must arrive precisely when you're meant to. this is a philosophy i've been applying to my life for some time, but to experience that teaching in the practice of yoga makes it profound.

the first moments of the first class, during meditation, i couldn't help but cry silent, still tears of gratitude. gratitude that i found my way to yoga, to san francisco. that i'm healthy enough to do it, that i have the freedom to do it.

that i'm just fine.

to be patient with myself. to accept when i'm grumpy or emotional or disappointing myself. to recognize it and let it go. to bow my mind to my heart.

to be still. to further nurture the glowing center that was revealed to me in seattle.

how grateful i am for that glowing center.

we returned to yoga last night, returned to skeeter but with an entirely different feel.

i sat at the very front, to the side of skeeter, right up to the windows, fogged with body heat and steam. a candle sat in front of me and cleared an oval of clarity above it, out of the fog. through the clear window i could see a lovely, green, growing, serene plant outside.

it was sublime.

then the music began. what i recognized as 'calypso' might be no such thing. it's the music of shuffling around, in a room full of tacky kitsch, with a martini, a long skinny cigarette, lots of hairspray on a curled, perhaps pink coif, frosted pink lipstick and fake nails. it was strange to mix that image with yoga, but it is music i love so we were encouraged to accept what the universe had brought us and invite it into our practice. (mambo. i've realized it's mambo. and i love it. many mambo dance parties in my room to come.)

so we grooved to the sounds coming from the neighbors below, came back to our breath and were a community for an hour and a half.

we emerged glowing and centered and full of love and life and i wonder what took me so long to get back to yoga. good thing there was a mat waiting for me.

assorted san fran (and sebastopol) 2

2009-10-29T11:00:00.000-07:00

the closest thing i've found to my san francisco house. it's absurdly tall. and awesome. don't you love it and are excited to come stay/ live with me?! i thought so.

the neighbors across the street from my absurdly tall san francisco house. they'll have us over for drinks and cake. and dance parties.

the hill under the street sign is what sholley introduced to me as 'africa'.

treasure island music festival:

sholley arrives with our chariot.

excited to ride the chariot. (and if i may say:aDORable)

a one-man band, rocking it across the street from our huge line to get on the shuttle.

the line for the shuttle, from the shuttle.

excited to be on said shuttle.

grizzly bear under the lovely sky.

i failed to capture the sea birds who swirled in this sky all afternoon, but it was lovely and serene and nice to be under.

sholley and i under that sky.

that's right:jacobs by marc jacobs for marc by marc jacobs in collaboration with marc jacobs for marc by marc jacobs. hilarious.

beirut! they thanked us for letting them sing our sunset. *sigh*

(i have several videos with surprisingly excellent sound quality that i'd like to share of beirut's sunset performance, but blogger isn't letting me upload videos right now. perhaps later?)

i'm curious as to how many pictures these people are in. i was a part of a LARGE group of people photographing the sunset from behind the fence.

another hipster paparrazzi shot.

night comes to the carnival.

huge spider attacks the mission?! actually this lovely lady just made a web ON my window. she's stripey and awesome.

when it rains in the city, it rains in our kitchen. here's ted rigging a sluice to remedy the soggy spice rack situation.

weekend in sebastopol.

jesse and melissa at an early halloween party. melissa and i were slutty vampire french maids. but classy.

coco, the party dog, could NOT get enough of my calves. there was nary a moment when i couldn't feel an excited wet nose on the backs of my legs. he was a little baby gizmo in looks and super excited temperment.

melissa and her salty wench of a co-worker:my new best friend michelle.

post-party salty

snuggles!

the family together!

now you're all up to date. hooray!

homework update

2009-10-28T16:33:00.000-07:00

here's some more examples of what happens in grad school for me.

my victorian sitting room with shadows. it's amazing how much it adds to the scene. i wasn't sure how well i did on this drawing, but my instructor gave me a b+ which is pretty phenomenal for him, i thought. (pats self on back)

this is shadows on my street scene, photographed badly. i'm not sure what i got on this one. i'm a little afraid to look.

figure drawings now: these poses are anywhere from 5 min to 20 min. most of them are around the 5-10 min mark, i think. the ones with more value are longer.

this is from the first day. and these are all from day 2. it was a good drawing day for me.

(V V V)

the rest are from days between day 2 and now.

some assorted san francisco moments (part 1)

2009-10-15T15:49:00.000-07:00

i've been neglecting the blog in favor of homework (sorry), but i have some down time today and thought i'd post some pictures to review what i've been doing in the city:

on the left are people sitting on real grass surrounded by real plants in the parking lane of valencia between 21st and 22nd. apparently this is done once a year to raise awareness about something. how we don't need cars? not sure. everyone else i asked didn't seem too sure either.

this is one of two kitties who live in the mess of a hardware/repair shop that apparently operates, just not as a storefront.

below is a picture of melissa and i posing under a disco ball, hanging from a tree on lexington street. we fell in love with this street for obvious reasons. there's nothing quite like walking down a beautiful, quiet street at night, chatting and laughing and seeing some slow, spinning sparkles catch your eye and come upon a disco ball, silently turning and throwing party lights on the sidewalk. awesome.

also pictured are some lovely vines, climbing over the street on some power lines. also on the magical street of lexington.

this is dan zelinsky, owner and operator (in roller skates, as well) of my newest love, musee mecanique. i would like to build a mut-o-scope, since i'm so mechanically inclined...not at all. i emailed mr. zelinsky and he invited me down, saying that he'd open one up for me so i could photograph it and see how it worked.

one terribly hot day, i rode the bus for 45 minutes, IN the blazing sun, down to fisherman's wharf and took him up on his offer.

the inside with the reel removed, and what else le musee taught me (the answer is 'overrated' if you can't see):
begin the folsom street fair. i'm only including the tamest, most presentable pictures. i've got some nudies if you want, but otherwise i'll keep them to myself.

sholley's co-worker, octavio's contribution to the pre-fair buffet.

sholley and i on the balcony.

octavio and jason get into the spirit a little more. (they're already wearing jock straps.)

scary scary scary.

so you can see how it's done.

penis charms with the ability to become erect. the man at the booth was demonstrating.

i stood next to the guy taking this picture of his parents with the scariest, and easily hottest guy there. that's head to toe vinyl? rubber? not sure. either way: crazy. he also has a vinyl/rubber mohawk of spikes.

getting whipped in front of an enormous crowd with my testicles hanging out of my shorts while wearing a shiny, black mask/hood does NOT sound like my idea of a good time.

the crowd. keep in mind that many of those in the crowd are shirtless or fully naked men. i kept my hands by my shoulders, just to be safe but was still rubbed with a lot of sweaty chest hair.

two of four pairs of leiderhosen (sp?) i saw that day. apparently it's a thing.

my favorite guy, bidding me farewell on my early departure.

sister visits! hooray! we only had one day, but we made the most of it, i think. unfortunately i didn't document it all, but we DID end the day with some delicious ethiopian food (anne's first time) and it's its for dessert. it was quite the san francisco culinary adventure.

but first, we went shopping on valencia street. this is a crazy mask we found in paxton gate's kids. creeeeppy. also, shadow puppet theatre with fierce robots!grrr. and some knitted, tiny pig anatomy. *sigh* i love this store.

in the vintage section of one of a million used bookstores.

bidding farewell on the bart platform, wearing the AMAZING sweater that sister brought. isn't it stunning? and we're adorable. it was such a lovely LOVELY day. more sister times are in order, i think.

i got to wear a sweater today.

2009-09-24T12:47:00.000-07:00

Coming home from very lonely places, all of us go a little mad: whether from great personal success, or just an all-night drive, we are the sole survivors of a world no one else has ever seen.
- John le Carre

this quote appeared to me today. i think about loneliness a lot. i read on wikihow: how to not feel lonely (even when surrounded by people). apparently is the quality not quantity of your interactions.

i went to hear a presentation fro dreamworks today. i haven't seen an animated movie of theirs since... hmm. i can't remember. i've been wanting to see 'the prince of egypt' and 'kung fu panda' and i'll get there.

the presentation was inspiring and terrifying.

i find myself thinking: what do i want to do? i think maybe 'concept art' visual development. wow, you have to be aMAZing to get these jobs. something like 33000 applicants pursued a career at dreamworks last year. they hired 55 people.

but then i think: this is the closest i've ever been to DOING something that i want. i can't defeat myself. i must work hard and think positively and get there. and expect the ideal to happen.

and that is my biggest challenge.

wednesdays are crazy days

2009-09-23T20:49:00.000-07:00

here's why:

i wake up at 6.33, make a delicious breakfast with tea, have ample time to get ready and i leave the house feeling good. and prepared.

out on the street, the mission is lit with grey and is just starting to wake up. people are scattered about, on their way elsewhere. the air is cool, i'm walking fast and listening to something that gets my energy going. today it was the budos band and 'superstar' by kanye west, featuring lupe fiasco. i listened to this song on one of my first days in the city and it was such the energizer. 'touch the sky, baby girl' was sung just for me.

on the BART, i usually can find a seat to myself, but today i stand and that's just fine. my BART rides are short, but i love them. i love the efficiency and ease of it and the characters that come together on it. people sleeping, shy, curious, reading the paper, tense, rushed, with their ears full of ipod, like mine.

off the train, up to powell street where the obnoxious trolley car terminal is. there isn't much of a line by this time, but soon it'll be swarming with people going 'clang clang' right outside our classrooms. this morning is grey and foggy and lovely and the street isn't too busy yet. my hike up the hill is getting easier and less sweaty.

i lumber up the stairs, use my i.d. to click myself in, say 'good morning' to the security guard who always ignores me or at the very least, gives me an annoyed look or nod. (he'll warm up later in the day, usually) downstairs to use the bathroom and dab the 'glow' from my face, and up to the third floor.

this class-visual elements of the story- is so great. i love what it teaches us, what it's all about and what we're doing as a project. my instructor is delightful and knowledgeable but also relaxed and respectful.

i come to class excited about the work i've done for homework. 'put it up for critique, let's see it'. ok... *deep breath* here goes.

at once my confidence is almost completely dashed. very talented illustrators in my class.

that's fine. i'm learning and improving, but man! i used to like mine. up. then down. then middle.

then the laughing girls start in on their repertoire of excessive, obnoxious and freakin LOUD laughing, usually when no one else offers more than a muted grunt of amusement. one is very sweet, the other:my nemesis. i can't quite convey how ridiculous, annoying and loud the laughing is. i'm working on my impersonation of it, if you want to call to hear it.

so we have the laughing girls and the fact that everyone else in the class has a friend in there. the taiwanese students talk together, expected, but then everyone else talks together, or OVER me about video games.

i got the wobbly table today (curses!) so whenever i tried to draw or write, someone inevitably would repeatedly nudge the table in excitement about video games or while speaking chinese or something so it's much like, as my table-mate observed, drawing on a train.

class today is thankfully a lot of video watching, which kept the cacophonous laughter and train-drawing to a minimum and the video was amazing, a narrated character design sketch and painting, sped up to fit into 90 or so minutes: disc 2 of 'visual storytelling with iain mccraig'.

the journey home is always hot and the streets are now crowded with people who either own the sidewalk in their universe of no one else's existence, extremely dirty, grumpy people begging for money, tourists and people on a mission. i'm the latter. luckily i'm agile enough to navigate the sidewalk, pass people and get through the melee without contacting anyone.

except today. i man side-checked me as we were passing today. grrr.

i get off the train around 3.20. school is getting out and the BART station and the blocks surrounding it are teeming with middle school students, sometimes nuns, today i saw a man-tree who was seriously 7' tall. at LEAST. i walked next to him for a second and felt like a small dog whose legs are a blur as it scampers down the street. i don't mind the crowd as much as downtown. it's more real. less commercial. less touristy. less trolley car-y.

by this time, i feel pretty good. looking forward to napping and eating something. but by the time i've climbed our three flights of stairs and burst heavily, panting, into the kitchen, the sight of ted's sweet face as he looks up from reading at the kitchen table brings back all the angst and i'm grumpy for 5 minutes as i remember to him the laughing girls and my inadequacy. then i nap. eat dinner. and get back to drawing.

i'm working on a post that more thoroughly delves into school and homework and instructors, but i had to get this one out first. here's a picture to bring it all home:

the kitties at home. being adorable.